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ORIGINAL: makarizo

LL you are good at stating things clearly.

listening in person is much different than listening on the internet.
I am a horrible internet listener. I absolutely refuse to fill in blanks, and refuse to add imaginary expression - sometimes missing the person's intent.
In person, people do not always mean exactly what they say... they emote, they react, they vent, exaggerate, A good listener will know when the line of reason has been crossed, and can be the voice of reason sometimes.
A good listener will keep a person real, and not turn them into "everyone" or label them with a sweeping generalization, or feel the need to 'one up' someone's experience.
a good listener will be an ambassador for Christ.
a good listener will not listen to gossip.

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What are the requirements for good listening?

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Many (most) people just want to be heard and really do not want feedback or desire dialogue. They want a listener.

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This is more so when writing on the Internet - when the writer has no paragraph breaks, just one long page with all the words following each other ad infinitum, bad punctuation and sometimes bad spelling. It's a bit like having verbal diarrhea where the speaker goes on non stop without catching a breath.

The listener/reader has no option but to switch off and ... zzzz zzzz zzzz !!!

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ORIGINAL: mvic

Listening is difficult - it requires concentration on the part of the listener and it requires thinking and not just hearing what's being said.

However, the responsibility to ensure that the message is received rests with the person communicating the message - whether verbally in conversation or in writing on the internet or by letter.

The communicator should speak clearly and ensure he is understood, perhaps by asking questions to check his message has been received. This too requires concentration and thinking.

So if either party is not actively concentrating and thinking we have breakdown in communications.

This is more so when writing on the Internet - when the writer has no paragraph breaks, just one long page with all the words following each other ad infinitum, bad punctuation and sometimes bad spelling. It's a bit like having verbal diarrhea where the speaker goes on non stop without catching a breath.

The listener/reader has no option but to switch off and ... zzzz zzzz zzzz !!!

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solarflare
As for the forum here, rude, in your face answers and smart remarks are not good skills for actually
tuning people in. Neither are constantly pointing out how wrong everyone else is or picking on silly little
things that do not even have anything to do with the OP.

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ORIGINAL: pastrech

This topic is so incredibly important. I am sad from looking at the replies that it receives so little attention. I am a horrible listener because I habitually think ahead of the speaker and finish sentences for them or I get behind because their word choice confuses me because for example the context of past , present or future tense gets muddled.
For the most part I find that the men who preach about the importance of being a good listener are eager to listen but unwittingly are there to listen because it is an opportunity to feed their compulsion to give advice. Why? Because logic often tells a man to fix the problem and move on to the next topic.
Take a look at the number of posts for women topics versus men topics.
For women approx. 56,000. Men , a measly 5000.
I think this topic should be retitled with a more provoking title in hope of drawing in more response, experiences and attention.
Do the majority in ministry of preaching, teaching, pastoring, know how to listen? Are they more eager to give answers than to listen? Do they entertain questions often as a threat to their security/identity as an authority? Do women need to learn the listening perspective of a man? Do women dumb down the male perspective of conversation? Is dumbing down a common reason men and women quit conversing? Are men just as guilty of dumbing down female conversation? Does accepting the challenge of sifting through bad vocabulary and word choice a better road to understanding than judging the subject? Some of these are rhetorical questions of course but it may not seem as obvious to others.

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Very true. Rude and smart alec answers do not reflect the life of Jesus. He certainly spoke directly to people and situations but His attitude was right. He spoke out of love. Rude and smart answers are spoken out of arrogance and that is not a Jesus quality at all.

And you're right, sf, sometimes a little levity is good. But some of us need to learn about that as well. Humor at the expense of others is another topic for discussion. Laughing with others is great but using others to get a laugh or laughing at, belittling, is not (godly).

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For example in my illustration from yesterday, I should have chosen a different word. But then I ask. . . how do I know how others define or will respond/react to a given word? I don't. So I just need to be humble and willing to confess my desire to not speak hurtfully and ask forgiveness when they do take offense.

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ORIGINAL: solarflare
Seems
an interesting number of individuals believe Jesus was sarcastic

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We understand people by what is in our hearts. . . that's why judging is such a problem. We put people in a context of 'they are like this' or 'they think or act like this' or we label or have judged them in some way and it is OUR heart, our judging heart, that determines how we hear them.

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Yes, Jesus' attitude was not to cut or hurt...although sometimes the truth does do that.....but I think sometimes
Christians forget that it is not who they are, but WHO Christ is that has changed them.

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If I have never past a kidney stone I cannot comprehend the pain. But my effort to understand it is the connection needed to give relief to the one who is.

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ORIGINAL: solarflare

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We understand people by what is in our hearts. . . that's why judging is such a problem. We put people in a context of 'they are like this' or 'they think or act like this' or we label or have judged them in some way and it is OUR heart, our judging heart, that determines how we hear them.

Another very good reason why ASKING questions is one of the keys to understanding.

But, often no questions are asked and the judging starts. I maintain that being misunderstood yourself
is a good way to learn the process and start wanting more info and really trying to understand the other
person....within reason of course....no stretch will or should leave room for sin or excusing it....I know
that is not what you are saying here, just thought I would insert though ~

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I found a good way to test my capacity for empathy. How many creative questions can I ask to discover how the other person feels. If I have never past a kidney stone I cannot comprehend the pain. But my effort to understand it is the connection needed to give relief to the one who is.

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Most peopple don't like to hear the truth when it means that they are wrong or it hurts their pride. The tendency is to react, defend their position.

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Pride and self absorption make one a very bad listener. Humility and love make one a very good listener. It is a learned skill. When we learn how to listen to the voice of God, we can then be a more effective listener of others.

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I frequent this Crosswalk forums site often but my desire to reply or post is manic/depressive. Sometimes I feel like what ever I say is hopeless in that no one will really understand whet is inside of me. And also that what is going on in my brain is not meant to be understood or that it is to to confused to be of any value anyways. In other words I get cynical about my own thoughts and think bad thoughts about my own thinking. Then other days I get all excited about expressing a thought to see if anyone might be able to relate or if someone elses thoughts may look similar to mine.
So even though you may think no one is reading your thoughts , they may not be responding because of many reasons other than that they don't care. Also forums don't replace friendships but that is ironic as well because I have read in other posts the frustration other man have in finding friends which I relate to.
Also , I am not a bigot, racist, chovanist , ( is there a spell check on this thing?) , but I was just trying to express my feelings in this forum to some women about women ( which I would be to cowardly to ask such type of questions in real person) , and man! , I felt really misunderstood. Perhaps I really used poor word choices and I know I got myself sidetracked as well. So I don't know if they were poor listeners or I am a ****py communicater or both. But the whole thing went south and I started to feel hopeless in like the more I talk the more I get misunderstood. The way I feel in my marriage sometimes.

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Yes, solarflare, I think what I emboldened is key. My nickname is Miss Understood ya know. And I do know that that has been a HUGE part of my passion to listen well.

As you grow in the Lord, you no longer think like most people---even the believing people. Yet others see you and hear you through themselves, which is either an unredeemed sinner or a baby Christian BUT rarely, yes, ever so rarely, through Christ, by those who have gone on to some level of maturity.

Immature or unredeemed often judge you by what they would do or say in a given scenario rather than by what is true.

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ORIGINAL: wifeandmomof3

In the book, "Bringing Out the Best in Your Husband," there is a discussion about the importance of listening without offering advice. It suggests that when a spouse is venting about an issue, you should first ask whether they want advice/feedback. If the answer is "no" then refrain. Just listen. It also advises that when they come home from work and talk about their day, and problems they may have had with coworkers, to be sure not to make judgemental statements about the people they are speaking about. This sets a negative tone.

I think those rules may be helpful to apply in a variety of situations.

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ORIGINAL: mlk79vt

I'm working on that very topic myself. I'm new here and am hoping to share my thoughts with everyone here as well.